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Sunday, January 22, 2006


when dogs dream

dreams can come true
dreams can come true
dreams can come true

Dogs dream, stuffed toys reslemble dogs, we make toys, therefore we can make dreams come true.

yes? isnt that ir-ruff-utable logic? i have been dreaming so long about what i want about what i would like about what i seek, will i recognize a good person to team up with and work on a dream together? what is the dream? what is a good person? what constitutes the whole package of personality, thought process, problem resolution, joyfull expression, saddness expression, what constitutes a person whom has enough of core similarities to make a GOOD teammate in this life thing?

i have been feeling for a long time that no matter how hard i look i would not find a person who is enough like me and i like them that we could click into a team thing where we can support each others weaknesses and support each others strengths and enjoy the highs and allow the lows to create a balance to seek a balance to understand the yin and yang nature that i have been bleak in my salt encrusted tear in the corner of my eye from the dry dessert wind and loneliness of the process

not willing to allow the 'if only i was more average, more normal, more like everyone else' into play i have continued to ride through the dessert on a horse with no name


will i recongnize a like soul when i meet her?will she recongnize me?what series of events will be appropriate for getting to knoweach other

a flower does not sprout from the ground fully in bloom
it needs to break free of the seed,
toil against the dirtthat gives it strength
burst into the sunlight
stretch to reach new hights
have the energy to bud
then, after some rain

i welcome this endeavor when it may come... i feel ready

Monday, January 16, 2006


what point does the general public go 'ah hah!'

This story about rain in seatle being the intensifier of pollution is like saying that H2O is a caustic substance outlaw it!

Rain water has nothing to do with pollution in the sense this article pours out. What the deal is is two pronged, forked (devilish); in that , one fork, we the people have gotten rid of the wetland type strata in the environment so when the rain falls, there is nothing to slow down and filter the water naturally, the other fork, is that we the people group and thereby intensify the type of pollutants that rain water is washing over ergo the concentrates of a particular type are too high for a natural process to handle. Example, suburbia has a lot of lawns, the lawn doctor puts lots of pesticides and fertilizers down, it rains and it gets washed off before full absorbstion occurs result is the burden of hi toxicity is flowing down hill.

So to read a statement like:

"Storm water is a source of pollution,
because there are pollutants in our
environment that the storm water picks up,"
state Ecology Department spokesman Larry Altose said.

... is mind numbing. It is like saying guns kill. It is like saying video games are destroying our youth. HELLO... ANYBODY PAYING ATTENTION?!

=> Guns do not kill, the people deciding to point and pull the trigger kill.
=> Video games are not destroying our youth, the parents not engaging the kids, the family into activities and projects that take human interaction and create learning situations for our children is the destruction of our youth.
=> Storm water is not a source of pollution, we the people and our desire for short sighted returns with out regard to the long term effect is the source of pollution. WE ARE.

We the people are so focused on the stock market return we are destroying our youth, our environment, our collective futures. The stock market return is when we want to reap dividends from a system now. I put $100 in, I want to get a $150 out in 6 months, or worse, in 6 days... you get the idea yes? What does it really mean to invest? What are we investing in?

A concept is this, people focus on wanting bigger is better, wanting no pain, wanting the 'easy button' in life, that I say that perceived need of people is what is going to kill us. The Devil is in the focus of one side of an equation with out balancing the equation. We want the fruits with out the labor. We do not want to study and learn and look into our selves to 'heal' we want Prozac fix it today, we want our hyper short attention span kids to mellow out, we want a pill.

In the case of the storm water, it is not the problem, the guns are not the problem, walmart is not the problem (where did THAT come from?), the problem is the societal focus to get with out participating, to be dry warm and fat with out building a roof stacking firewood (fuel) and hunting skinning cleaning cutting cooking our own foods.

Most people if required to hunt kill slaughter their own food would never eat meat again. Or if they went to a feed lot and watched the cows panic going into the chute or chickens being fed into a machine while hanging upside down from a conveyor system and (you get the picture yes?)

If people were required to get their drinking water from the run off from their own neighborhoods, THEN maybe they would not pour the crap into the system they do now with out a thought.

The solution is not this simplistic, or easy, gosh if it was easy it would not be a problem. The trick is really where to start?

Where do we start?

Sunday, January 15, 2006


sometimes perceptions are...

not related to reality

i got an email from mom the other day, a forward mail from one of my nieces... she had seen a picture of mine from in june when i had 4 very very happy dogs in the house (you can see they are all smilin)

to her she sees the joy in that moment captured. if you look at the time period that picture came from you would be aware of joy and sadness. if you then step back further and look you would see a life and the question is is the life full of joy or sadness or balanced?

i was having a conversation at 2 am on new years with a woman so attractive that all the guys in the bar were almost lined up to get her attention, espcecially since she was a twin and her sister was standing next to her. we were having this conversation about good and not good and how americans are fixated on one side of the equation and not the other.

have you remembered your early algerbra? you could do anything to one side of an equation as long as you did it to the other side as well. multiply by 9. take the cosign of the value.. what ever. it was ok

well here is the reality. some of the diatribes here have been heavy, that does not mean i live a dark and brooding life. just the opposite actually. (sister take note) just because i read a historic religious text like the gospel of mathew in the same hour that i read a historic religious text like the wiccan book of shaddows... means only that i am looking for balance and perspective on asking the same questions (you know what ,they are quite in harmony really, but that will be another dissertation)

the picture above, two of those dogs are the ones mentioned else where in this blogspace, i heard from one neighbor the other day that they had gotten out of thier back yard and were, plus thier other bigger hairier brother (taz) who is not in this picture, they were all at my gate barking and barking and wanting to get into my yard space to 'play'


because all they know if all the interactions is the joy that is given them, them the dogs like children are pure spirits and all they knew and remeber and get are/is the happy vibe. the play time.

they still come over randomly even tho thier mom person and i essentialy wave and send texts back and forth 'dogs play?' 'dogs back' etc... what does that mean?

one, the pic above is wonderful, brings wonderful memories, i can see, i can rember smells, textures, all sorts of nice stuff that i hope sticks with me when i am with alzhiemers and real old and am saying 'sadi do you want to play' and people will wonder WTF is that old man saying?

two, just because some of my blurbs here are heavy on one side of the teatertotter.. does not mean that i think the nieghbors only reality is as i describe it once or that the sky is falling... so if you readers, friends, family, strangers think that is the case, if you stick around long enough to get perspective, you will see balance as that is my goal

to find balance one must swing about a bit to get there. like beth was saying in the bar at 2 am, if people expect stuff immediately then reject and run as soon as some 'not good' occurs... then that is messed up, not right and off base.

the question that my friend luke and i are tumbling about in our brains, is how do we parlay this into a book movie script or some such to emphasize the idea that this reality that western civilization is in is not balanced, that a lot of the premises that things are based on people have lost the contextual meaning behind the result

in computer speak, today people are running on RISC instead of CISC (Reduced Instruction Set Code instead of Computer Instruction Set Code) ie, they skip the why how or because of and go right to the next.

that is wrong, we all need to find ways of taking time to get perspective, of taking time to experience or look into both sides of the equation, take the time to feel the down as well as the up to better understand.

thats i hear my microwave beeping as my 8 yr old is making us oatmeal for bfast... yummmy



Monday, January 09, 2006


what does it mean to be available?

adj 1: obtainable or accessible and ready for use or service; "kept a fire extinguisher available"; "much information is available through computers"; "available in many colors"; "the list of available candidates is unusually long" [ant: unavailable] 2: not busy; not otherwise committed; "he was not available for comment"; "he was available and willing to accompany her" [syn: uncommitted] 3: convenient for use or disposal; "the house is available after July 1"; "2000 square feet of usable office space" [syn: usable, useable]

1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.
2. A state of mental agitation or disturbance: spoke unsteadily in a voice that betrayed his emotion. See Synonyms at feeling.
3. The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility: “The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect” (Isaac Bashevis Singer).

... ??? ...


Pondering this between other things... (note to self, less coffee, more yoga, concentrate man! concentrate on ONE task.. like the ones the MAKE money!) as I was updating my business site ( btw) and the business blog with some marketing tips and scratching my chin about a T-Shirt idea I had a while ago, and making a note to delete my yahoo personals ad before they charge me again, and why DO all the ladies seem to say men are NOT available?

I have found that when I do emote... women run. I feel, I am man, yet it SEEMS like women do not really want that. They want what they know, football chauvinists who belch and expect dinner cooked by 6pm.

When I have put myself out there, I get the sideways looks that are either 'is he gay?' or 'can't be real, must be issues, will run away now' ... this is so disheartening. People get all catagorical an are in such a hurry for the next thing that they look for the summary versions and sysnopsis...

Try this, take and article or a couple page item that you know well, copy the text, paste it into microsoft word, go to tools and summary and you can have the word program make an automatic summary... you can run it a couple different ways or 'amount' of extraction..

what you get is like the 50 monkey game, remember? sitting in a circle, one person reads a card to the person to the left, and they tell the next person and around it goes, then you all find out what the last one hears... and it is not even close to the original... get it? SUMMARIES DONT WORK.. you will loose in the translation the ESSENCE of the truth about what ever it is.

If you find someone who is 'interesting' you HAVE to give it some time to flesh out.. um maybe not a good word, to sift out perhaps?

So to be available.... a person has to have the willingness to look you in the eye and say, 'i want to know more, let's do this again' and in doing so, try different things and situations that will allow different good and bad aspects of your personality to reveal them selves with genuine authenticity.

no games
no viels

taking the risks up front saves the pain later when you do start farting in front of each other and other social faus pax things that you try to only do in private.. you know the revealing things. EVERYONE gets bad breath, gets cranky, gets scared, gets happy, gets sad, puts on two non matching socks now and again...

to be available is to be willing to make the time to offer ones self to be real infront of some person whom there is a little resonance with and a slight potential to BECOME a cool team.

cause no one wants to be a team of one... works for worms but .. really now.

Saturday, January 07, 2006


brain melt but a thought i will work on is

my brain is too mushy right now to compose this, but wanted to put the seed of the idea out there. heard on npr yesterday about how the nixon tapes where uniquely important in that it created an audio documentary of what happened daily in the house of power, behind closed doors.

and went on about how that is not happening that politicians are not writing or recording for fear of putting down for scrutineny that mistruths or lies will be recorded.

now of course, my brain is mushy so this is not what was said but the idea is this

what if

what if we the people required all ALL political powers record every word and soundbite and that required by law those soundbites would be released to public review in 5 or 10 years depending on 'security' but the pejorative word is 'would be' in other words gaurantee full disclosure.

that would be one way to keep the morality and ethics pure, in doing so, would not the politics be more inclined to make decisions based on what is best for the people today and in seven generations? instead of making choices based on what lobbiest paid what when?

with the scandels that are brewing about, this seems like a neat idea.

don't you think?

sound off... i will compose this better and further later, now i will go find a couch.

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