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Monday, December 26, 2005


to keep in mind the will of spirit

so the inspiration was to get a Celtic Tree of Life pendant. The store near the house had one, that you see here, however it is not the classic book of kells tree but a twist to that by a lady from california, in the branches are a man and a woman and some small animals and a circle symbol. to me i was following serindipity and went with it.

the idea is that seeing the previous post, i need to keep reminding my self to let go of worry like the tree of life letting go of it's leaves in the fall, knowing that spring will come again and new life will spawn both from the new leabes, and from the old leaves that will collect somewere far away and make compost and become fertilizer that will help grow other trees. ( link ) Classic Kells imagery >>>

to let go is key in dealing with my strange and deranged constant daily tribulation of having to deal with something that is so unreal as to be surreal.

the bottom line is succubus's exist (

that is harsh, but to define a demon as this number 2. definition (1 being 'a devil') a demon is a persistently tormenting person, force, or passion: .... yup, then wrap that in a package of one who is doing her best to be 'drawing energy from the men to sustain themselves,' and there you go.

I have never known such a thing... it is amazing and after this season of the Yule, it has felt like a rebirth were it was so painfull for a little bit that I now feel differently and yet there is beginning to be this sense of a classic 'devine comedy' going on and i feel really sorry for this entity that has taken so much from me and yet i have learned so much. ...

an odd thing as i re read this i recalled a few months ago, she had mentioned somehow the story of ( Samson and Delilah. And I had read the story after the comment and wondered about it. Things seemed to continue on a strange slide to the present were all this recent writing of mine has occured. ... I think i was supposed to behave differently then what i have behaved... who knows, since she wont talk about it... anyway..

wish i could throw a life vest out there becuase to watch her sink in this pattern she is in is sad and it is sadder to see inocents (aka the dogs) have to be kept away... every now and then they break free and come running over and are like OMG let's play I miss you man, quick throw a ball before I get dragged away again!

Poor dogs, i would adopt them in a second.

anyway.... people, readers, strangers.... the key here is that in life, nothing is easy, look for what you can learn from everything, do not abandon your friends if you can help it, but remeber to be pulled down by a drowning fool is of no use to anyone, they must drown to 'get it' and with hope will be reborn in a life form that will have a better chance at getting it the next time around...

this pendant has already been helpful.


Thursday, December 22, 2005


The Universe is full of inspiration


Talk about the universe grabbing my ear and saying “YO! Pay attention young man!”

I have recently become overwhelmed with (maybe it is the holiday stuff) resentment towards the woman whom I had a summer relationship with and whom when it ended I felt she did it with out integrity and with out kindness and I had gone through stages of forgiving her and letting go, then I was able to get her imago out of my psychic minds eye and out of my dreams and I was able to let go, then I got pissed at her for not doing her work and being real when I felt like we were soul mates and then I let go of that and accepted her for just who she is and I thought I was over it… and I feel I would have been but…

But, in July she moved to the building NEXT to my house just BEFORE breaking up with me... As in she could not be any closer with out being IN my house. So, while I feel I had forgiven her and let go, twice… which was healthy and normal… because she is currently living RIGHT THERE where I can see all comings and goings by nature of my kitchen sink window looks at her front and back door and her parking spot I have been subjected to seeing things I do not want to see, I have been subjected to hearing conversations I do not want to hear when I have been in my yard, I have been subjected to her ongoing lack of truthfulness lack of kindness to just plain outright lack of consideration. I was finding, have been finding, am full of… resentment.

I resent her, and THAT upsets me. It is not the kind of thing I agree with. I do not agree with resentment yet I have been struggling to LET GO. I have not been able to let go of my resentment. .. Resenting why she would live next door and be so insensitive! I know I am capable of being good friends with my past lovers and I know I can be a respectful and compassionate friend. I have done so in the past with people successfully. But this person does not stop, does not own her crap, keeps being damn rude, then being all ‘cheeky’ and pretending there is nothing ‘out there’ for tension. Yet to expect me to be kind when she has been wicked? Is exhausting and tedious and I have been trying to figure out how to let go and get over it since there is nothing I can do about HER behavior I can only control and change MY behavior.

Yet, in my attempts to not engage and to be cordial when her new boyfriend waves at me when I get that they were an item BEFORE she told me all the things I wanted to hear that got me to the place where I thought and felt she was a potential life partner, in my attempts to not engage I have been successful but then afterwards, I get overwhelmed with RESENTMENT! I get all pissed off at my inability to let go when I thought I had worked it out, and I get hurt by her heartless inconsiderate decision to move into a place where I am subjected to her after everything should be done gone and over with… and hurt by her inability and unwillingness to talk about it, to own what she did, is doing and what is going on for her.

So, today I decide… Let me look at the Book of Shadows for some suggestions…

I look up in the index, find a line ‘resentment of result’ pg 161 and THEN... this is amazing! I look at the book and open RIGHT TO THAT PAGE! First shot first try! WOW! … And as I read the page.. This is what I read…

“There is a term sometimes used in magickal work that we need to cover before you delve further into affirmations. It’s called ‘resentment of result,’ and means that if you worry endlessly over an issue, even thought you have worked magick, the strength of your worry will overcome the strength of your magickal work, and in the end you will reap what you most feared.”

.. And in the end you will reap what you most feared… wait, I just read that in the Bible!

So I grab the New Testament my sister gave me, it is already open to Matthew 24 and there is this ‘study aid’ piece that says.. ‘For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:1-2) and after that it says “In other words, you get what you give out. You want a Loving God? Then be Loving? You want a merciful God? Then be Merciful.” (Matthew 23:28)

So what does this MEAN?

One, I really want to get over this and in opening myself up to suggestions, I reached for a book of Wisdom and it resonates with a book of Guidance that I had just read from that morning and find a strong suggestion… but what is it?

What is it I am not getting that result is my turmoil? What can I do? I am worried about it. I am able to in the moment let go enough to be kind in the moment of interactions, but then in private I am worrying about it, not letting go of it. I start to get bent out of shape and loose focus on everything else for a bit…

Ok, so… I need to affirm that I deserve kindness and I embody kindness and compassion, and then I need to imagine that a breeze rises up and carries my discontent away like a leave from a tree that has gone dormant for the winter. Let my leaves fly and blow to some far away place where they will in the natural process of life decompose and give nutrients to new growth yet to be known. The spring will come again, the solstice has passed then sun came back and so too will the warmth of new relationships that will nurture new growth and joyous moments of blossoming life!

So… how about that for inspiration for you non believers of sources of wisdom can be found from many places to those with hearts open to the potentiality and the good.

In tandem the Book of Shadows and the Bible held words that I was guided to read and found resonance in and now, I will step forward and step out to feel the winds blow.

not to worry Informal

There is nothing to worry about; there is no need to be concerned: “But not to worry: it all...falls into place in the book's second half, where the language is plainer” (Hallowell Bowser).

[Middle English werien, worien, to strangle, from Old English wyrgan. See wer-2 in Indo-European Roots.]

worri·er n.

Word History:
Worrying may shorten one's life, but not as quickly as it once did. The ancestor of our word, Old English wyrgan, meant “to strangle.” Its Middle English descendant, worien, kept this sense and developed the new sense “to grasp by the throat with the teeth and lacerate” or “to kill or injure by biting and shaking.” This is the way wolves or dogs might attack sheep, for example. In the 16th century worry began to be used in the sense “to harass, as by rough treatment or attack,” or “to assault verbally,” and in the 17th century the word took on the sense “to bother, distress, or persecute.” It was a small step from this sense to the main modern senses “to cause to feel anxious or distressed” and “to feel troubled or uneasy,” first recorded in the 19th century.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


Solstice and what are doing about it?

Last night I watched both a show on TV by Barbara Walters about Heaven and a show about Christmas and that date of Christmas and some of the early gospels of Mathew, Luke and Mark. How the story of Christmas was spoken of differently in each gospel and this was from the point of view of a couple of ‘esteemed experts’ whom I do not recall the names. But you of course could search and find out their credentials eh?

The AH HA moment this morning over coffee and home made applesauce cake my mom sent out from Vermont to Colorado… was while reading an email list I get from a group of Witches in the Australian part of the world talking about The Lion Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis whom most everyone knows was one, a best friend of J.R. Tolkien and wrote his story at the same time, during world war II in Britain. Also C.S. Lewis was later to become an esteemed scholar and favorite of the Christian world so I was intrigued by what the witches/pagan’s were saying about the movie.

I realized, in tandem to the concept of the book “ISHMAEL” that in the world there are givers and takers.

Christian’s believe that this world is only here as a holding tank to prepare for a trip to Heaven. If you fail, you fall to Hell. Witches/Pagan’s believe in the balance and the unity of life being about being here now. If we mess up our home, the earth, we have no were else to go so let us not mess up our mother earth! In the piece about Heaven the Jews also have a point of view that is closer to the Pagan idea… I mean of course right? Pagan’s were around first, Jews later, Christian’s followed in time, then Islam came about later after Christ’s teachings.

Ergo, we have gotten farther from the origin.

The origin of the stories has been lost to the mainstream and today, Christmas is about Macy’s parade ToysR-Us and video games and apparently about trying to put more lights up outside the house then the neighbor does… damn ugly shit out there that are simply effigies to misunderstanding the stories.

The candle in the window was about the longest night of the year and hoping the Sun would come back.

This tied into Christmas as a way of hoping the Son would come back. The whole timing thing of when Jesus was born and when Christmas was morphed into creation seems disjointed since it seems to be closer to historic empiric that Jesus was born in the spring hence the shepherds tending flocks of sheep, and the Christmas star would have been Jupiter in the constellation Leo, Jupiter the king of the planets and Leo the king of the beasts… ‘a king is born’

SO, what do we have? A dilemma I say a dilemma! I mean look at the numbers ( ( that is a lot of takers, of people who are not living for now but living for death. Wierd huh?

As the mini ice age in Britain ( creeps in and as the Green House effect is debated over the Chinese growth and the United States Consumption and who is responsible and is there even an issue … heck Bush leads the pack of Neo Conservative that walk away from the world summit ( and turn there backs on tomorrow for favor of today.

Should we not be paying more attention to finding a balance and a sustainable world balance?

On this shortest day of the year… I put that out in the web space to be seen… what are you doing for world peace? What path are you walking?

Sunday, December 18, 2005


the tree hunting picture of pumpkin kid and I

that sweater is wonderfully obnoxious eh? .. it was hunting season.. that sweater is an old awsome wool and usually in my hunting back pack...

Saturday, December 17, 2005


i am behind the camera

the getting the xmas tree crew... i am behind the camera ... PDM is in the middle in the back.. ruby is running too fast to get inthe shot, she thought it was great fun to be in the woods... zip TANG

Friday, December 16, 2005


Bringing Connection Home

Bringing Connection Home .......................................
Practice this flowing sequence at home and let it remind you of your connection to things larger than yourself. (a yoga journal article to inspire)
By Cyndi Lee
Life is so full of responsibilities to others—walking the dog, taking the kids to soccer practice, meeting deadlines—that it can be a constant challenge to find time for yoga practice. The irony, of course, is that we cannot really support those around us if we don't first take care of ourselves. In our busy lives, it's easy to forget this simple truth.
Fortunately, practicing yoga at home is a way to nurture our well-being, which is an essential first step toward caring for others. But the benefits are even more profound: As soon as we come to our yoga mat and begin to focus on our breath, we are reminded of our connection to something bigger than ourselves. We feel oneness with other people and beings, with all that is. Feeling this universal connection is a natural outgrowth of connecting to ourselves.
Vinyasa—a form of yoga in which each pose flows into the next in coordination with the breath—is the ideal medium for keeping this connection vital. Moving with the rhythm of the breath in vinyasas helps us recognize our experience as a reflection of the constantly pulsing universe—the rising and setting sun, the ebbing and flowing tides, the beating of the heart.
We can clearly see how asana practice is a physical manifestation of universal connection when we cultivate a strong midline in our poses. In the sequence demonstrated here, experiment with drawing into your midline and then expanding your energy outward, and see where it takes you. .
Once you establish a firm center that acts as a central axis for all of your movements, you can radiate outward. Just as gravity allows us to jump up without flying off into outer space, a strong core (which we create by drawing physical effort into our center) allows us to reach out and fully experience how large we really are. This vastness extends far beyond the physical body. As we become familiar with how the body, breath, and mind are interwoven, we see a ripple effect: Everything we do affects everyone around us and, in turn, everyone around them.
The next time you think you don't have time for your home yoga practice, remember that the strength, balance, bright attention, and sense of connection that come from regular practice not only will make you healthier but will help make the whole world a better place. It sounds grandiose, but it's really true.

.:: why this? why not, it inspired me, hope it inspires you ::.

this article is a bit like an issue i, as a parent, am mulling over. how do i facilitate my kid learning about connection to life greater then her bubble? how do i start with something as simple as just connecting like as connecting with self.

sound off any ideas you all have...

Saturday, December 10, 2005


last nite i was blue but... really

last nite i was blue, but really, here are some pics that say other wise... last weekend made cookies with the Pumpkin Girl and today we are going out to get evergreen tree for the town home and one for the ranch home.... participating with PDM's mom and her partner and his two teenagers and we all get along well and will be a good affirmation... to do something to celibrate the holidays as you see, something to grin about exists more then just al little bit...

Will put some tree getting pics up later this weekend. Now... I better get the kitchen cleaned, some laundry going and get ready to head out for the tree getting adventure... Ruby will dig the 'in the woods' event! whoo hoo

Friday, December 09, 2005


sometimes tears flow when the music is over

I just got done watching cold mountain... a story about the strength of love to carry one through the hardships in life... i got up when the movie was over and sat down in the other room, on the floor, by the wall...

Tears they fall
at times when the music is over
when all alone
in the corner of the room
looking around
no one is found
to come and hold
my hand

when the music is over
it takes time
to find the peace
to regain your mind
it takes a day
it takes a year
sometimes still
the saddness comes
and the tears may roll

at times when the music is over
when all alone
in the corner of the room
looking around
no one is found
to come and hold
my hand

i sit alone
upon the floor
my dog and cats try
to console
but it is said
when a blind man
has never seen
the azure blue of the
morning sun
he cries not
for what he never knew

but to have loved
and the have lost
is saddness true

a broken heart
at times it comes
when you are all alone
and no one is around

you find your self
upon the ground
sobbing loudly
the tears they roll

it takes time
a day
a year
it takes time they say
to heal
sometimes never
one never knows

let the tears roll on
let it be
the healing starts
when they flow free


found this article......

Ten Ways To Heal a Broken Heart

Do not worry about having ups and downs; these are signs that you are healing. A broken heart requires as much care as a broken bone or as any other physical ailment. However, with time and proper care, one can be confident that it will heal. The same powerful forces that mend a broken bone will heal your emotional pain, but a wounded heart needs time and proper care to heal. Bear the pain. Admit it is hurting. The greater the loss, the more time you will take to heal. Do not worry about having ups and downs; these are signs that you are healing. You are more fragile now, there is no shame in that, so take it easy. Crying is a natural release. Remember you are not alone. You cannot be a human being without suffering loss. Here are some emotional bandages for a broken heart:
• Stay calm and treat yourself gently.
• Recognise and accept your injury.
• Stay with the pain - do not deny it.
• Take your time to heal.
• Rest and nurture yourself.
• Accept comfort from family and loved ones.
• Take care in making important decisions.
• Attempt to resolve the conflict.
• Anticipate a positive outcome.
• Stick to a routine and keep yourself busy.
• Don't panic.
• Don't deny the hurt, or the mistakes.
• Don't dwell on the negatives or stay isolated.
• Don't make choices, or decisions, that create more chaos and pain.
• Don't fall into relationships on the rebound, by making impulsive judgements.
• Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes or to ask for help.
• Don't take to alcohol or drugs.
• Don't lose faith!
RELATED ARTICLE : The Three Keys to Happiness

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