Saturday, August 31, 2013
a book web page is fading into obscurity since i have not been writing and blogging about IT
The Geist Chronicles - a story an epic in the works a figment of my mind of a dream of a moment I had years ago. Years. Dreams ago. A long time ago.
In short in summary in a moment I would say that the story is about what is next for man kind. The story is a kind of Jedi Knight like thingy mixed with the Seventh Generation sprinkled with Eckhart Tolle and a bit of additive of Celestine Prophecy spiced with Bourne Identity and Star Trek.
We are not about overpowering others we are about helping others, about love. To over power others is to hate. To love is to help. In the process of this we find we are not about this body. This body is just a manifested container that holds the spirit. The spirit is filled with a mix of love and hate. The spirit is energy.
Ergo we can go places withOUT the body and - come back.
Oops. Sorry Church. Your corner on the market will take a hit... but only if fear drives the thinking and then that corner is in jeopardy. If love is the answer then that is the only concern. Not gold. Not real estate and pomp and ceremony. But however and this story is not new. The ball buster is that it is not new. Only the power mongers do not want the truth out. The truth sets everyone free. That threatens the prime real estate on the corner.
blog charts and TED talks cafe benches and strangers
Also and because.
Jacob Barnett at TED Talks. Watching a video about a fourteen year old 'autistic' boy who really has some fantastic things to say. This is Samuel Ward's description: May 23, 2013 - At 8 years old, Jacob began sneaking into the back of college lectures at IUPUI. After being diagnosed with autism since the age of two and placed in his school’s special ed. program, Jacob’s teachers and doctors were astonished to learn he was able to teach calculus to college students. ... (sic) goes on to solve stuff ... that expanded Einstein's field of relativity.'...
Key... no let us go with pejorative stuff he says is to stop learning from books and teachers and start THINKING about things that you are passionate about.
So. The word that starts conversations around campfires and cafe tables... SO. Since my blog gets random and most likely robot pings on the pages... rather than people (York, you are not a people, you are a lion) I suspect this won't do my for my ratings. Dang.
However that is just fine. JUST FINE. he he.
I have enjoyed this morning. Still am. Now off to make some lists then tear a wall out to make a new closet that will get cedar lined panels and cool wooden doors.
First some lists.
rock on kids.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
A book in a library a boy and a girl and a moment that stayed with them twentyeight years later
The book? The book is the biography of a scientist Michelson and The Speed of Light by Bernard Jaffe. This man was America's first Nobel Prize winner. He used mirrors and prisms and candles to determine the speed of light by interpolating refraction rainbow patterns. Dry and why would I check it out keep it and in that moment a month ago know EXACTLY where it was in my home within reach to where I was on the phone and talking to a girl now a woman (still as beautiful now as she was then) who was in the library twenty-eight years ago at that moment that I picked it out of the shelves and she walked by me. Walked by and remembered that moment in her memory as "that boy is so into his book he did not notice me walk by."
Missy found me recently in April of this year on the nefarious FaceBook and when the friend request came through I knew exactly who she was and remembered her in high school with a smile in her team outfit for field hockey running out to practice. In our conversations as we began chatting lightly a month later in May that spooled up to the question "what is your memory of me so many years ago?" The answer was... the library isle, the boy, the book and a moment never forgotten.
The thing is because I checked that book out and never returned it because I have been lugging this object all around the country all these years and because immediately upon hearing Missy tell her end of the library isle moment I reached over and pulled the book from my book stack next to my desk I knew that indeed I did notice and I never forgot that moment either.
Our conversations during the next few months gained in trust friendship and intimate details shared. Sharing to the point where we made the effort to get together even though we live over 700 miles apart and when we got together it was magic.
Bounding leaping never wanting to let go of that first hug kind of magic.
A few days later when I dropped Missy off at the airport and went about my week I was astonished that each day after felt like a week and a week a month. While things went so well we were talking about connecting more permanently we quickly upped the time scale from January to October.
We are both in agreement that we don't want too much more time apart that something more than magical happened twenty-eight years ago and draws us both together today. That moment twenty-eight years ago between a boy and a girl in a library.
Isn't life amazing? Isn't it grand?
Thursday, May 09, 2013
by helping others you help your self
Admiral James Stockdale was the highest ranking US military officer in the Hoa Loa prisoner-of-war camp during the Vietnam war. He was brutally tortured more than twenty times over the eight years he was imprisoned from 1965 to 1973. During that time he dedicated himself to helping the other soldiers survive the ordeal. Jim Collins, author of the book Good to Great, asked Stockdale how he endured, and who in the camp failed to endure. In answering he said: “This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you cannot afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever that may be.”
Jim Collins summarizes this wisdom as the “Stockdale Paradox”:
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties
and at the same time
Confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
how many letters have you written
do you write them letters
do you re read them over time
do you have a box full of unsent shit
once a year
a ceremony of value
to let go and forgive
build an altar
burn the letters
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
cowboy hunkered down like a cowboy
In the dark at 05:55
watching the moon it's 12'
hunkered over my boots
like a cowboy
with no campfire
- glad I have extra coat
, letting dog wander
about yard slowly
... She likes it when
I work from home better than
these trips into the city for meetings...
My breath is visible
wafting to the moon ...
hunkered over my boots like a cowboy without a campfire
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
light sound shadow silence
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
are you dealing with People who leave you feeling bad, sad, shaky or feeling sick in the pit of your stomach
here it is... in full
As I'm a medical doctor with some training in psychiatry, understanding that I was dealing with individuals with a bona fide personality disorder was a huge "a-ha" moment. The thing is, there might be a clear list of characteristics describing someone with borderline, antisocial or narcissistic PD in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). But when you're dealing with one of these people, it often won't become (diagnosably) apparent until you spend a lot of time with them. And even then, if you're really emotionally ensnarled you might not be able to spot it on your own.
Interacting with them might just make you feel really bad about yourself, or they may say and do things that don't sit quite right with you. Often, they have such an otherwise charming way about them that they find a way to make you laugh afterwards, or do something nice that makes you confused about "which one" is the real person. Most people will choose to focus on the good stuff and downplay the pathological, often at their peril.
A difficult person in your life might not have a full-blown personality disorder; they may just have related traits that express themselves from time to time. It still takes a toll on your self-esteem and well-being to be around them.
For the purposes of this article, here's a short list of the types of people I would lump into the "unreasonable":
- Those you can't have a reasonable conversation with; they somehow twist your words or totally confuse you and then tell you that you're the one who doesn't know how to communicate
- People who make subtly or overtly demeaning comments or say cutting things to you disguised as a "joke"
- Those that don't respect boundaries and seem to enjoy stepping all over one after you've placed it
- The types that aren't willing to consider your point of view or listen to your side of things (or just stare at you blankly, or laugh, or explode, when you try to explain "how you feel")
- Verbal or emotional abusers (these can also range from subtle to overt)
- People who leave you feeling bad, sad, shaky or feeling sick in the pit of your stomach
- "Crazymakers," a.k.a. people who provoke you into acting crazy or unbalanced (and love making you feel like there's something wrong with you when you do), when your behaviour across the rest of your life is proof that you're not
- The excessively charming who are too good to be true and have an ulterior motive
Now, here are the things I've learned about how to handle them and minimize the damage to yourself, your days, your sanity and your life:
1) Minimize time with them
Keep your interactions as short as possible. Minimizing your exposure to pathology goes a long, long way.
2) Keep it logical
I'm a very verbal, heart-focused person, so I would always try to connect with and reason with these types (and pretty much anyone else) from an emotional or empathic perspective. You know, those "when you do X it makes me feel Y" communication tactics we're taught in relationship books. This type of heart-centered communication only works with reasonable people who care. Unreasonable people usually don't care, and their response (or lack of it) will often only make you more upset. Keep communications fact-based, using minimal details.
3) Don't drink around them
Though it's tempting to knock back a glass of wine or two when you're around people like this, it will only make you more emotionally vulnerable and more likely to do or say something useless that will either make you look bad, make you feel bad, or make you more of a target.
4) Focus on them in conversation
A way to avoid being the target of demeaning comments, manipulation or having your words twisted is to say as little as possible. Volunteer minimal information and get them talking about themselves (if you have to be around them or talk to them, that is)—they are a far safer conversation subject than you are.
5) Give up the dream that they will one day be the person you wish they'd be
I see this in coaching clients all the time and in myself, too. There are people in our lives who have moments where they seem to be the parent/partner/spouse/friend (insert whatever's appropriate) you've always felt they could be, yet they ultimately always end up hurting or disappointing us significantly. Amazingly, we fall for it and get our hopes up again the next time they treat us nicely or seem to have turned a new leaf. Giving up the hope and fully accepting this person for who they really are can be an unbelievable relief after what is sometimes a lifetime of wishing.
6) Stay away from topics that get you into trouble
Before going into an interaction with a difficult person, review in your mind the topics that invite attack and be proactive about avoiding them. For example, if your in-laws always make cracks about your choice of career, answer neutrally and change the subject immediately (see #4) if they ask you how work is going.
7) Don't try to get them to see your point of view
Don't try to explain yourself or try to get them to understand you and empathize with your perspective. They won't, and you'll just feel worse for trying.
8) Create a distraction
If you absolutely have to spend time with someone who typically upsets you, try to be around them in circumstances that offer some sort of distraction. Focus on playing with a pet if there's one in the vicinity, have the interaction be based around some kind of recreational activity or entertainment, or offer to help in a way that takes you out of the main ring of the Coliseum (e.g. offering to chop vegetables in the kitchen before a family dinner). If you can get them to do something that absorbs their attention (taking it off you), even better.
As I mentioned to a client today, if you master these skills and manage to conduct these interactions while being civil and even friendly, you might manage to save the relationship. Not that you would necessarily want to, but in some cases if the person is a family member, boss, or some other key fixture in your life who you can't cut out of your life, these tactics may prove to be lifesavers. They certainly have been for me!
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